"Chef Paula Deen accidentally hit by charity ham"
Yeah. I didn't even need to read the article. But here is a picture for your enjoyment! You are welcome!
Ester got her diploma and then rushed off the stage with one hand clutching the document and the other on her swollen belly. A medic with a stretcher was waiting to take her to the hospital.
But it turned out the pains were just a false alarm, and the hospital sent her home.
Retired soldier Lian Jiansheng, 66, broke through a police cordon and reached out to shake the hand of would-be jumper Chen Fuchao before shoving him off the bridge.
"I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their action violates a lot of public interests," Lian was quoted as saying by the China Daily newspaper.
"They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities' attention to their appeals."
Chen fell 8 metres (yards) onto a partially inflated emergency air cushion and was hospitalized with wrist and back injuries. Lian was detained by police.
Chen was at least the twelfth person since early April to threaten suicide at the same spot, the Haizhu bridge in Guangzhou. But none jumped and -- until Lian gave Chen a helping hand -- none was pushed.Anti-climactic, don't you think? Yeah. I thought...okay...if Lian pushes someone to death that was already jumping to kill himself but just held up traffic for 5 hours instead? Does he really deserve to be punished? I don't know. Tough call. But, luckily... he was just pushed into an emergency air cushion. And THAT is why you don't waste 5 hours threatening to kill yourself. Dude, at that point, they've circumvented all of your choices. Moron!
It's time for a news update! Today on 'This Just In' I bring you cautionary tales of drinking and spending to excess.
1. First up is a story about when friendly neighborhood feuds go wrong...
BITHLO, Fla. – Authorities said a man threw a vodka cocktail at his neighbor's trailer, but the wind shifted and set fire to two cars, a pickup and a travel trailer in the man's own yard. The Florida Highway Patrol reported that a 51-year-old man got into a fight with his neighbor on Tuesday night and threw the makeshift gasoline bomb.
Authorities believe alcohol was involved.
Really? What made them think alcohol was involved? Don't people in Florida normally throw gas bombs at their neighbors and end up blowing up their own car too? I don't know if I could've drawn that conclusion. I'm no detective, that's fo' shizzle!
2. I'm only posting a headline on this one... I don't need to read the article. This headline is definitely a Spoiler Alert!!!
'Woman explains how shopping addiction ruined her savings'..... I'm stumped! How could the shopping addiction have ruined her savings? Unfortunately, I never clicked on the link...so we'll never know.
3. Next is another story about the dangers of alcohol...
Police in a Detroit suburb say a teenager has been charged with lighting an unconscious man's pants on fire and causing a third-degree burn to the man's groin. Police in Ferndale, Mich., said 18-year-old Tyler Quick was arraigned Friday on a charge of assault.
Tyler Quick was attending a party at the home of a 51-year-old man when the host passed out.
Police say Quick placed a lit candle under the man's crotch, setting fire to his pants. The man awoke and extinguished the fire. A police lieutenant said Tyler Quick thought it would be funny to burn the victim.
I'll admit it. I laughed, I thought it was funny too. I'm with the teenager on this one! Honestly... a 51 year old man invited teens into his home, gave them alcohol and passed out. Teens + Inebriation + lighter + passed out host = Light 'em up! (....or I guess, technically it should read... 'Light up them nuts!')
Drawbaugh was able to dial 911 from his cell phone. Nearly out of breath, he told dispatchers he woke up handcuffed, was still bound to his wife and was holding her down, according to a recording released by police. Dispatchers heard Drawbaugh scream in agony, apparently as his wife bit him.
"Owwwwwwwww!!!" Drawbaugh shouted repeatedly. "Are they almost here? Oh God. I need help!"
Officers who went to the home in Fairfield heard Drawbaugh screaming for help and forced their way in through the front door.
Drawbaugh was treated at a hospital, police said. Sun told investigators that restraining Drawbaugh was the only way she could get him to speak to her, authorities said.
Who can blame her? She wanted to work on their marriage...and he clearly didn't want to put forth the effort it takes to make a marriage work. What options did she have? He wouldn't talk to her unless she restrained him. People always say that they want to be able to walk away from a situation knowing they did EVERYTHING they could to make it work. Well, she can walk away (in handcuffs) knowing she tried with everything she had to make that marriage work. He clearly didn't want to put the work into it. He's a quitter, that's for sure. My advice to you, Readers, is that you try everything you can to make it work!
On a side note: Several things jumped out at me while reading this article...
1. Is this a dramatized version of real events? "Screamed in 'agony' as his wife bit him"??? Agony? Really?
2. How sharp are her teeth exactly?
3. How deeply does he sleep? She changed the locks on their bedroom door before handcuffing herself to him and waking him up with her agonizing biting. If someone was changing the locks on my bedroom door, I think I might hear them.
4. How did he manage to dial 911? She handcuffed him and was biting him, but he managed to get his cell phone and dial 911? I can barely dial on my cell phone when I'm coherent and have all my filangies at my disposal.
5. What was her back-up plan? Cutting him with her toenails?
Well, Readers, thank you for joining me for another edition of 'This Just In.' In closing, I hope you've learned something today, Readers! Never give up! Never quit! Even if it means handcuffing your dreams and torturing them till they submit to your will! Never say die!
Her eyes said, "why you be frontin'? Huh, cracka??? I'll cut you, cracka, with my cracker!" I maintain that she did it on purpose.
Martha Stewart's Beloved Dog Killed in Freak Explosion
Her dog was among the 17 dogs killed in a tragic propane blast that happened Friday during a propane delivery to the elite kennel.
"I am deeply saddened by this story," Stewart wrote in a post on her official blog. "My heart goes out to Karen Tracy [the kennel's co-owner], and I am hoping for a speedy recovery for those [both pets and humans] injured in this terrible event."
It's not funny. I know it's not. But allow me to point out a few things here...