Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Dating 104

In this day and age, it’s rare to meet in a traditional sense. Girls used to meet the boy next door…these days we wave politely at the boy next door and then complain about his stereo being too loud. What used to be a cute guy winking at you over the tomatoes? Now I wonder if he’s going to follow me to the parking lot and become a stalker. Besides, I’m too busy Facebooking and Twittering to meet people organically these days. I don’t have that kind of time. So how do we meet out potential dates? Online.
This can be both a great thing and a scary thing. Both a productive thing and a horrific waste of time. That’s the beauty of the Interweb.

You certainly get a broader range of people than you normally would in your day to day life. And it’s more efficient, definitely. In real life, guys don’t come with a sandwich board over their body that details their likes and dislikes, their preferences, etc. I find this very helpful.
But what I find most helpful? What they put in the “Looking for” category. When asked to describe what they’re looking for...most of these men will quickly tell you about every failed relationship they’ve had, without even having to say it.
Here are some real life examples that I’ve come across:

“I want a girl who’s relaxed about life. If you don’t like that I drink every day, stop reading now.” –Clearly a touchy subject. He’s obviously had some really uptight girlfriends who didn’t like that he’s an alcoholic.

“Looking for a woman who understands that I’m busy. With work, family and friends, I don’t have a lot of extra time.”
–Translation: Are you okay if I never call you when I say I will?

“Looking for a non-cheater!” –I’d assume this is pretty standard, but I appreciate the clarification.

“Sensitive boob seeks sensitive breast.” –You like boobs, we get it.

“Looking for a sexy woman with blue eyes.” –We’ve all got our priorities. I can’t fault him for that.

“Looking for an upbeat girl. I don’t want to constantly hear about your bad day at work or problems with your mom.” –Most guys will feign interest till they get you in bed. But not this guy…he’s letting you know upfront, he’s not here to listen.

“I want a woman who understands intelligent humor and sarcasm. If you’re easily offended, move on.” –Translation: I’m a jackass, but I wear pompous glasses…so it’s all good.

“Looking for a girl who appreciates music and art as much as I do.”
–Translation: I’m a struggling musician, will you pay for dinner?

“I would like to find a woman who wears khaki because I think that's so attracting.” -Now, right off you know that he might pay attention to your wardrobe, but English isn’t a priority with him. Also, the days of having to choose an outfit? Long gone! With this guy, you wear your khakis and you’re all set!

“No meth addicts, recovering or otherwise.” –Good, he has boundaries. Now, while I know that while meth may not be his cup of tea, perhaps he’s heroin friendly?

“Must be okay with iguanas, gerbils and hamsters because I have several.” –Okay, Dr. Doolittle. Die alone, party of one?

Online dating isn’t an easy world. But it makes for some eventful stories. I think it must have been much, much tougher to be so creepy before the internet. Here’s my profile: “Seeking a man… preferably one who doesn’t own any gerbils or iguanas, doesn’t mind that my eyes are green, is okay with me wearing jeans and not khakis, doesn’t mind that I take prescription drugs, calls relatively close to when he says he will, doesn’t have trust issues and...likes boobs.”

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Dating 103

Some of you may remember my Valentine's Day post...remember when I talked about the "smug bastards" that have already found "the one" and therefore have all kinds of advice to offer you in the dating world?
Whether it's helping you through a break-up or helping you to figure out the ins and outs of dating...they are there for you. Typically to tell you what you're doing wrong. If I had a dime for every time someone told me I should stop picking up dates at Narcotics Anonymous... sheesh. Back off! I know what I'm doing. And I've met a lot of quality guys there, thank you very much.

But seriously, usually they say something about looking at the wrong type of guy. The bad boy, the workaholic, Mr. Macho, the controller, the gym rat, the commitment-phobe, the mama's boy, etc.
But sometimes it's about what YOU are doing wrong. My favorite one? "You're too picky!"
Well, good hell, you're telling me to commit to someone for the rest of my life and you want me to not be picky? I have a really hard time buying shoes. Even when it's "Buy One Get One Free" and in this scenario, I don't get two husbands. So, I may be a tad picky... but I'm entitled to be....riiiight?

I thought so. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that these friends are right. I should, perhaps, lower my expectations a bit. Think about it... Hitler had a wife. Biographers even classify their marriage as a "good relationship." How bad do you think her previous relationships were? ... "That last guy was a real douche, always eating crackers in bed and leaving the toilet seat up...but this Hitler, he's a man who knows what he wants! World domination!"

I definitely could be too picky...I mean...Hitler found love. There really IS a freak out there for everybody.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Dating 102

One of the things that seems to stop most singles from getting out there and trying to meet new people, or to ask out that person they’ve had their eye on, or to get up the courage to express their feelings to a certain someone...
the fear of rejection. It’s a genuine fear. Nobody likes to be rejected.
Ok, that’s a lie...we’ve all seen American talent shows on reality television. Clearly *some* people enjoy rejection. But most of us don’t.

I learned one sure fire way to combat this fear: don’t accept their rejection. Works like a charm!
For example: I had a gentleman suitor express interest in pursuing a relationship with me “culminating towards marriage.”
I appreciated his boldness, his fervor, his no-nonsense attitude. However, I just didn’t see myself wanting to spend my life with him. So I kindly, gently, rationally explained why I didn’t want to pursue this relationship culminating towards marriage.
...There was a brief pause and he followed it up with, “You will reconsider.”

And damned if I didn’t. How could I not? He was so sure. I’m not sure I have any choice but to marry him. So, remember, if your love interest doesn’t respond in kind…don’t take no for an answer! They may reconsider!

Next up in the dating series... You're too picky!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Dating 101

I think some of the funniest stories in my life come from my dates, or dates my friends have. Unfortunately, due to all of the law suits…I can’t share any of them with you.
What I can share is that single life and the dating process is wonderful... and horribly hilarious at times. My perspective changes as I change. It seems to be inevitable that when you don’t have such a good time on the date, you hear from them the next day. (And sometimes every day thereafter until you change your number.) But then there is that elusive Fantastic (with a capital F) date. But then...a day passes...2 days...3 days...a week...Yet, he doesn't call. He doesn't text. He doesn't use the number he (emphasis on HE) asked for. What runs through a woman’s head as to why???

1. He's playing it cool.
2. His cell phone battery died.
3. He lost my number.
4. He's gay.
5. Wait...that can't be right, not with THAT goodnight kiss.
6. On the way home, he got kidnapped by a Somali terrorist group.
7. He's dead. And if he isn't dead, he should be.
8. He's a sadist who gets off on torturing women. I dodged a bullet. Or knife.
9. Do I have any ice cream?
10. He's definitely gay… who ate all of my ice cream?

This is how a woman works. But men, men are different...
A couple of weeks ago, I went on the most boring date I’ve ever been on (Top 5, at least.) Okay, that’s unfair. The date wasn’t boring. I have nothing against the 9th of June. But the company I kept on the 9th of June was boring. I was bored enough to finish my shopping list in my head during dinner. (Which, by the way, I also had time to alphabetize.)
At the end of the date...the really, really early end of the date... I made it clear that while I appreciated the evening, I wasn’t interested in repeating it. Hard to say to someone, but I think it’s better than just leaving someone wondering, or leading them on. No harm, no foul, it just didn’t work. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. We both move on!

I hear from him the next day.
And the day after.
And every other day since then. Turns out that while women may have 10 reasons why they haven’t heard from their recent date...men only have one reason...

1. She must want me to try harder, I’ll call her again later.

That’s just how the dating world works sometimes. You like them...they don't like you. You don't like them...they really like you. It's a wonder anyone finds love these days! Luckily, we've got more and more reality shows devoted to teaching us how not to find love.

Tune in for the next post about Dating...the fear of rejection!