Thursday, January 10, 2008

Miracle Manna!!!

Ladies and gentlemen....brothers and sisters....citizens of this world... I have some big news for you. I can only hope that you are as ready to receive this message as I am to give this message.

Let me start by saying that anyone who knows me, knows that I love infomercials. While some people (morons) see an infomercial on the tv and change the channel looking for other programming, I actually change the channel looking for infomercials. They are the true genius of all television. The writers may strike...but the infomercial still goes on. Why? Because it is not scripted. It is real testimonials of real people who use the product and tell their real story about the wonders of the product and receive nothing in return except the satisfaction of knowing they helped other real people improve their own real lives.

But, I digress. The real reason I have come to blog this fine evening is that I have seen the infomercial to end all infomercials. If you never watch any other infomercial, please do not miss this one. (also, the magic bullet one is pretty classic. And, premiering soon.... "The Bangy")

This morning at about 3:30am I was blessed enough to catch an infomercial that nearly changed my life. Miracle Manna. Yes, like in the Bible. I once thought that the miracles of the Bible were long gone. I had no idea that some of those miracles actually still existed in a tangible sense. But, my friends, they do!
I know there are a few non-believers out there, but I also know there are a few wannabelievers... and for you, I on.
I was skeptical at first. Miracle Manna? How can this be? But I heard real people tell their stories and I was sold! I am now convinced that this Miracle Manna could almost change my life too.

I am almost a changed woman now. One man who ordered the Miracle Manna was cured of his chronic illness! A woman received over $6,000 on the same day she received the Miracle Manna! I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe, if I order the Miracle Manna and really believe in it's powers...there's no end to what may or may not change for me too!

I hope that I've changed your view from non-believer to wanna-believer to believer. Take it from a real person... it has nearly, almost, maybe changed my life already. It truly has changed my life in ways that haven't really changed my life at all. Let it do the same for you. Just believe.

Thank you.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Terrorist Attack....ish.

It was a close call folks. But, let me start by telling you that I am OKAY! Don't worry about me, I'm okay. But it was close. Really close. And I almost died. And still could. But I am okay.

You know and I know that there is a lot of danger out there. But I never suspected it would be so close to home.

I'm driving home from work, with my sister in the car next to me. And suddenly I notice that a van is following me. Not just any van. A terrorist van. Even worse than the kidnapping van we all know and hate. The kidnapping van is the van with no windows at all. We've all seen 'em. We all know 'em. The terrorist van is even worse. It's got a taller roof and also a place on the roof for terrorists to poke their guns out of and shoot bombs and whatnot.

So, the terrorists follow me up 12th east...they continue up 2200 north.....and here is the real clincher...they follow me onto 1450 east! That's when I knew they were after me. Nobody goes on 1450 unless they live there.
I always thought there was a sleeper cell on the university campus, but it looks like the "sleepers" have been awakened!

Once they followed me onto 1450 East I knew I couldn't lead them to my home. I had to be willing to take one for the team. I couldn't lead them to my parents. They would have slaughtered us all in an attempt to gather all of the intel we have. And I couldn't risk it.

So I drove around the block. Realizing that I was on to them, they aborted their mission.

I was relieved, but a part of me was sad that they backed down. I would have gone medieval on their hiney! I would have Jack Bauer'd their jugulars!!!

Be on alert! High alert! Never let your guard down! And just to be safe, you should carry around your own weapons and bombs. And Jack Bauer.