Sunday, December 16, 2007

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas...for five years.

Yes, it is true, Celine has left Vegas. For what? We don't know. I can only assume she's taking time off to have Renee cloned so she can actually grow old with someone who isn't dead by the time she's 45. Although, I could have sworn her father....err, her husband was already a clone.

Anyway, back to the distressing news...Celine's Vegas run is officially over. Five years, $400,000,000 earned, 716 shows and 11 standing ovations later...Celine, 'The Best Singer In The World' (her words, not mine), has left Vegas. And to think, I never even saw the show.

THANK GOODNESS. I can't keep this charade up any longer! I hate Celine! To put it in her native tongue, Je d├ęteste Celine!!!

Who are these freaks who went to her last concert, you may ask?

One lady (whom I can only assume is single, will remain single for all of eternity, is a closet lesbian and owns 32 cats) has seen the show over 100 times!
There was the co-dependant couple who enabled one another and paid $15,000 for front row tickets. May God bless us all and make them sterile.
Then there was the man ( I use that term loosely) who moved to Vegas from Uzbekistan just to be closer to his idol. I'm pretty sure he will try to kill Renee just so he can have Celine to himself. Luckily, Celine has cloned Renee and won't even notice he is gone. But I do think it'll make a nice Lifetime 'Movie of the Week'!

And then there were the "celebrities." D-list, at best, I'd say closer to N-List (Not-really-Celebrities-list.) Robin Leach, Mia Michaels and Criss Angel. Boy, I would have paid top dollar to meet those three. How could one theater hold so much celebrity!!! Lucky, lucky theater goers.

All I can tell you is that it is now safe to go to Vegas again. Finally! We can take Vegas back from Celine and her followers! We are Freeeeeeee! Suck on that, Celine!

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Annual Avian Census

I know it's been some time since my last entry. Forgive and forget, I always say! (as long as it's you forgiving me and forgetting my offense. If it's me forgiving and forgetting, not gonna happen.)

Anywho...On to important news. One of the things I love best about living in Utah is the hard hitting news. A lot happens here. Newsworthy stuff. Totally.
I just came across an article in the Salt Lake City Tribune about bird counting.Hmmm, I would think it's pretty darn impossible to count birds.Obviously, I was mistaken. There is an Annual Avian Census. If you're anything like me, you're giggling just thinking about it.What do they do? Demand that the birds line up and be counted? Give them all social security numbers? And do birds hire other animals to take them across the border illegally?Like if you're a Canadian Bird and you really want to live in the US, do you have to pay tons of bird seed to another bigger, more influential, American bird to illegally transport you in to the United States?And if all of this is true, I don't understand why I am just now hearing about this epidemic!? All of the politicians are asked over and over about illegal immigrants and what they plan to do...and this is the first time I'm hearing about the illegal birds. They seem to pose a higher threat than humans. Avian bird flu, anyone?
And talk about many people have been pooped on from above? I haven't, but I've seen it happen to others. On TV. But it has happened to my poor vehicle. Sad, but true. Why aren't we doing anything about this illegal bird epidemic? Illegal birds are a huge problem and I think I will run for congress on this platform.
I guess the first step to solving this problem is the Annual Bird Census. The following is the article that raised my awareness...
My favorite part of the article is...
"I love it," said Marilyn Davis, the education coordinator for the Red Cliffs chapter of the Audubon Society, which helped organize the event. "I look forward every year to this day when I can freeze to death and look at the scenery."
Honestly??? You helped organize this event and that's what you said???

Well, folks, I'm signing off, but I want you all to think about the epidemic of illegal birds and the Annual Bird Census and think of some ways that you, too, can help America.