Tuesday, April 21, 2009

American Idol does Disco!

Last week in a "shocking" twist, the judges chose to save Tiny Hat Matt Giraud. Shocking...no. They can only use one save and it expires when we reach the top 5. It only made sense that they'd use it this week. So that means two go home this week. I hope they keep Anoop and send home his eyebrows.

Tonight is Disco night! Is it any wonder that Disco and Fiasco share so many of the same letters?

1st up is Lil' "Do clingy spandex pants make me look fat?" Rounds
Tonight Lil' chose to sing 'I'm Every Woman.' Oh, Lil'. All I could think was that 'every woman' was hiding in those pants of hers. Her weave looked great though! I must admit that! Her singing? So so. It was all over the place. Nobody knows why Lil' is on this show anymore. Not even Lil'.

2nd up is Kris "I am not gay, quit accusing me, I even have a wife to prove it!" Allen
In a weird twist Kris chose a Donna Summers' classic "She works hard for the money." I thought this would be a disaster. However, I loved it! It's an uptempo number that reminds you of...well, disco. But, suddenly with Kris singing it... I was in a small cafe, with a beret perched at a tilt on my braided hair, sipping a mocha latte, tapping my hemp shoes to the beat. I loved the vibe. Loved it! Kris is my favorite these days. He's won me over, for sure! I know who he is as an artist and I'm loving him.

3rd up is Danny "No, I don't need these glasses to see" Gokey
I want to go on record, again, of saying I do love Danny. I like the way he looks in jeans and I like his voice. However, I think my love affair is over with him. I feel like I see the same thing from him every week. Although, this time, he sang Earth, Wind and Fire's 'September.' Let's just say that I could've waited till September to hear it. I still don't have a clue what he's planning on doing as an artist. Other than I'll probably see him on the christian network praising Jesus.

4th up is Allison "You can't go wrong with leather and sequins" Iraheta
Tonight Allison sang 'Hot Stuff'...definitely a different arrangement than usual. It was good. For some reason I just don't feel like she has the "it" quality. She's got a great voice. But I always end her performances by shrugging my shoulders and saying, "Meh." Tonight had moments of brilliance for her though.

5th singer tonight is Adam "Look at me pretend to be respectable so that conservative voters will like me' Lambert
Tonight Adam chose "If I Can't Have You"....
I just threw up. I did. He didn't even feel himself up or anything. But that shrill "if I caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan't, if I caaaaaaaaaanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayayayayayayayaaaaaaaaaaan't have you..." nearly made me lose my lunch. And yet Paula was in tears. I am so confused as to why people love him. I just dont' get it. I am baffled as I type this. And, Paula is still crying. Yuck. Blurg. Blech. WHO IS GOING TO BUY HIS ALBUM?????????? And, again, all of you girls out there who are outraged...HE'S GAY. And Paula is still crying...and shaking.
To be completely fair though, it was the cheapest Broadway performance I've ever seen.

Back in reality...

6th singer tonight is Matt "Pleeeease don't kick my tiny hat outta here" Giraud
I don't know if this performance was good or not. Honestly, anything after the shrill vomit of Adam Lambert is good for me. Plus, it's the Bee Gees, yo! Which made me think of Justin Timberlake on Saturday Night Live doing his Bee Gees impression. And, oh, wait....he's on his knees! And he's back up! BTW, did you notice the back up singers? I swear that was 3 Lil' Rounds up there.

At this point, I thought the show was over. When I realized it wasn't over I was like... Who is left? Oh, Anoop! It doesn't matter who sings last...I never remember them. And that's the problem with this season. It's like NONE of them are memorable. Except for shrill bi-Adam. And I try to forget him.

Singing last is Anoop "Do I look less like a terrorist in pink?" Desai
Anoop brought it home with a ballad number tonight...crooning his eyebrows out...but, wait! It switched to an uptempo beat so that he could move it and shake it! And grab his "goodies" a few times! I have bad news for Anoop... You're never going to be Usher. You will never be as cool as Usher. And, as a side note, Usher isn't even cool anymore.

To sum up tonight:

Lil' Stays safe in her under performing big bootie club. She's just trying to fly under the radar before her big finish. Except she has no big finish planned.
Kris only went up in my book! I'm still swaying to the beat with all my cafe/poetry reading friends.
Danny has lost his original appeal to me. Maybe if I saw him be original I'd fall for him again.
Allison was definitely HOT tonight. Mostly due to her outfit. Leather chafes.
Adam again hypnotized America. It's the only thing to explain it.
Matt's tiny hat stayed on his head, miraculously.
Anoop reminded all of us that he's as American as a douche who wears a pink sweater vest.

That's it for tonight, folks! Does anyone care anymore? No. Of course not. This season has tanked. We had the Clay/Reuben season and now this. I just don't care who wins. Wait, that's not true. I hope the final two are Lil' Rounds and Anoop Desai. Maybe Fox will realize there are flaws to their voting system.

Lisa.... OUT.


Melody said...

I mostly agree with your commentary. I keep forgetting Anoop regardless of the order they perform in. If I try to list the performers I always leave him off. Just forgetable I guess. And Kris is definately my favorite, he is an amazing talent.

Lonna said...

Love your commentary this week except for orange wig girl! She makes me want to hurl. I don't even care if she can sing, I can't stand looking at her. Her hair is fake and clownish and her clothes just make her look fat. Besides all of that....she already won Idol in another persona...you know her best as Kelli Clarkson.

Rae said...

As you know by now the 2 you want to see in the finals are both gone! I'm sure that whoever wins will be a big bust! Like you I just don't care! I'm with Lonna about the orange wig girl-ouch!