Thursday, June 26, 2008

Short post

I'm busy, so I don't have much time to post. I only have time for the essentials, to catch you up on the most important events and thoughts in my life right now.

1. I have always felt that I had magical powers. I've just been waiting for them to become "active." At times I have lost a little bit of hope because my powers haven't shown themselves yet. Yesterday I received confirmation that I would soon have them. I was walking along and I happened to glance down and I saw a rubber band in the shape of the triquetra symbol from Charmed. If that wasn't proof, I don't know what is! And, just last night I was told that I have a "dark gift" for making people agree with my side of things. I know that magical powers run in the family. How else do you explain my good looks? And, my nieces Sydney and Taylor both give me looks that I am 100% positive mean that they are casting spells.

2. U.S. bans Boy George
Boy George has been refused a visa to visit the U.S. because of his criminal past and impending trial. FINALLY! Finally, we have some standards!!! I'm not sure why this wasn't done in the 80's. Too bad the US didn't decide to ban him BEFORE he brought his wretched play 'Taboo' to the US. We could've done without that. I think that a chameleon named Karma has bit Boy George in the rear! It comes and comes and goes....and this time, it bans Boy George. (for those of you who don't know, 'Karma Chameleon' was a hit of Boy George's)

3. Is it just me...or is anyone else wondering why Rhianna is such a hit right now? I don't get it. I mean, sure, I like to 'drop it like it's hot' to her tunes as much as the next person...but she's just not that great. In my opinion, Rhianna=Rhidiculous!

4. This just in: American Idol is holding auditions on July 29th in Salt Lake City!!! I think I will put my name down as Lisa ArchuLoser and see how I do! I'll probably get put all the way into the finals! I really think this is fate. Simon and I will finally start our love affair!

5. Finally. There is a product for those of us who hate to waste electricity on charging our cell phones AND also love to dance. If you have those two things in common...I found the perfect product for you! It's a cell phone charger that is powered solely on your dance moves alone! Oh yeah! We can get jiggy wit' it and still talk on our cell phones! I can only hope that this will translate into a dancing-powered vehicle. I've always been an excellent car dancer and I think this would top the charts! It'd also make for a good reality show. "This week on Car Dancing Through America...."

Well folks, I'm sorry I have to sign off, but now you know some of the most important things going on in my life right now!

Peace out!

Monday, June 23, 2008

Woman sues Victoria's Secret claiming thong injury

A woman who says she was hurt by her thong panties when a metal clip flew off and hit her in the eye has sued Victoria's Secret, saying in a TV interview on Thursday that the injury caused her "excruciating pain."

Macrida Patterson, a 52-year-old Los Angeles traffic officer, told NBC's "Today" show that she suffered cuts to her cornea from the small piece of metal that had been used to secure a rhinestone heart onto the blue thong.

"I was putting on my underwear from Victoria's Secret and the metal popped in my eye. It happened really quickly. I was in excruciating pain. I screamed. That's what happened," Patterson told NBC.

A spokeswoman for Victoria's Secret, which is operated by Limited Brands Inc, could not immediately be reached for comment.

If I was the spokeswoman for Victoria's Secret I would have released the following statement:

"On behalf of Victoria's Secret we'd like to apologize to everyone who knows Ms. Patterson, and to anyone who might have seen her in a thong. It was a gross misjudgement on the part of our sales staff that led them to assume she knew how to properly put on underwear, and that she would also buy age-appropriate underwear. In addition, we're still laughing our thong-encased butts off when we think about her thong hitting her in the eye!"

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Professional Arson, at your service.

One of my favorite things to do, (when I am already in the car driving from point A to point B, have nothing else to do because my cell phone is dead, I've already rocked out to all of my music via car dancing, and have already judged everyone in the cars around me...), is to appreciate a little of the local flavor via Business signs. The signs that advertise a business and maybe even a special they're having that week. Some businesses even use them to recruit new employees with 'Now Hiring' signs. Sometimes I feel it's my civic duty to call the business and let them know they've misspelled an important word on their sign. Hireing (drop the E people!) is a commonly misspelled word. Then there are the movie theaters who use those signs and butcher words so badly that I can't even guess at what the movie title might possibly be. Or maybe they ran out of the letter Z so they just used a sideways N instead. You've gotta do what you've gotta do, I guess.
The other day I saw a car dealership using their sign to advertise that they need help, and after reading the rest of the sign, I agree. They do need help. Professional help.
The sign read:

Help Wanted: Sales Arson, inquire within

I took it at face value and applied for the position. Under 'special skills' I wrote about my love for matches. I also told about how I could sell flammable products to a fireman! I'm that good at selling arson. Under 'related experience' I spoke of the two house fires my own family has had. Those kinds of things don't happen on their own, you know. Not everyone is in the market for arson. You have to make them believe that they need arson and are willing to pay for it.

The interview went well on my end, but the hiring manager looked perplexed the entire time. I haven't gotten a call back, but cross your fingers because I think this career may be right up my alley! When I do get the job, don't forget to come to me for all of your arson needs.