Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Stink and nothing butt! (pun intended)

The other day I read an article online.... I won't reprint the entire article, I know your time is valuable. I will just give you the headline...

'Testing for Stink-Free underwear begins with Astronauts'

Yeah. I think you can imagine what the article was about. I had a couple of thoughts immediately... Do people in this world need another reason not to change their underwear? Really? And this is yet another reason I don't want to go to outer space. Also, note to self: Don't date an astronaut.

Next up on our stinky agenda...

I'm sure you've seen commercials for or have even purchased the product I'm about to speak of...
The Auto-Spray Air Freshener! Yes, seems like a wonderful product. It keeps your rooms (particularly your bathroom) fresh smelling. When I saw a commercial for it, I really thought it was a great product. Why haven't we thought of it before? I'm sick of pressing down on a nozzle to make the bathroom smell good after I make a *ahem* stinky. Perfect product!
In actuality...this product is evil. It's out to get you and embarrass you in front of your loved ones.... or acquaintances. The problem with this contraption is that it is set to go off at timed intervals. Regardless of whether you're in the bathroom or not. So, I go into the bathroom to make my pee pees and suddenly WHOOSH! The room, and me, are now sprayed and smell mountain fresh. Gee, thanks. There's no coming back from that. When you leave the bathroom everyone thinks you made a twosie. You smell like air freshener, what else could you have been doing? Try explaining that one without sounding like you're just trying to cover up your twosie. Uh huh, riiiiight.

Well, Readers, I hope you've enjoyed this stinky edition of my blog.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Bouncy Castles + Old Peeps = Broken Hips

There is a beautiful old folk's home up here in Logan. By far the prettiest one in town. But some strange things go on there...

One day I was driving past and I saw an old man running away, for all he was worth. Loose pants, suspenders, slippers... shuffling at a very brisk pace. I'm not sure what his end game was.... but he was outta there. Till they caught him.

The next odd occurrence was a lone Jazzy down the street from the old folk's home. Nobody was in it though. I'm thinking that the old man tried to make his second escape. This time on a jazzy because the foot method didn't work. Unfortunately, it looks like he was caught. For all I know though, he used that as a decoy and ran the other direction and is now living free.... probably in an old folk's home in Florida. If so...I applaud you random, elderly man.

Then the other day I drove by the old folk's home and saw balloons and whatnot all set up. And a bouncy castle. Yes....a bouncy castle at the old folk's home. Personally, I found it pretty irresponsible. I know old people should have fun too...but we all know it's a death sentence if they break a hip! I was pretty upset...but then as I got closer, I realized it was young kids in the bouncy castle. This left me with two conclusions...
1. The bouncy castle was actually a time reversal system and the elderly were getting their youth back with every bounce!
2. The old folk's home needs a new marketing manager. Marketing to children? That's not going to pay off for a good 60 years. You've really got to think about your target audience! Think it through!

In any case, regardless of the strange activities... I've booked a tour. I'm going to try to get mom and dad in there soon!