Tuesday, April 1, 2008

The Grease Fairy

So it's that time again. You want something fried. A taquito. (Who am I kidding, you can't eat just one taquito!) A burrito. A cheese crisp. A....well, anything fried. You get the idea. And then the thought comes to your mind. You'll have to pull out a pan and fill it with grease. And the grease spatters all over the stove and your clothes and the neighbor's house and everything is a mess. And inevitably, the house smells like grease for weeks. But the craving is too big to resist. The pull is so strong. Must...have....taquito....

So, you fry them up. And like predicted, you smell like grease and so does the house. The stove is spattered with grease. But, you're eating a taquito and you don't care about that. Clean-up is future Lisa's problem. Present Lisa is loving the taquito. Mmmmm, taquito.

Cut to: 2 hours later. Clean-up comes along. Suddenly you regret the taquito. Was it worth it? No! Now that you're full and you have to clean up, it definitely was NOT worth the taquito. Or the 12 taquitos. However many you ate. I'm not here to judge. That's between you and your Weight Watchers group.

You clean off the stove, the dishes are done and the house is aired out...as much as possible. You sprayed some lovely smelling odor-reducing spray. And now you have a delightful greasy roses smell in your kitchen.

Suddenly you realize you forgot one essential part of the clean up.... the pan of grease. The dreaded pan of grease.
I can't throw it down the drain. Dad said it'll clog the drain. And I'm not taking the blame for that.
You could throw it in the garbage, but it's icky and well...greasy. And hot. Hot and plastic don't mix. Learned that one the hard way. I'll never again make my world famous saran-wrap brownies.
You could throw it in the neighbor's yard. But, well...that made for a sticky situation when the neighbor caught me at two in the morning dumping a vat of grease in his award-winning tulip garden. I've never seen him so angry. I tried to convince him that I thought grease/mulch really helped Tulips and that it's all the rage in the Netherlands. When he picked up the rake and began swinging it wildly, I ran back to my house. Now with his security system, we can't risk it again.

What to do? What to do? I know! I'll do like Mom does. I'll pour it in a can that we keep under the sink. So, I take out the big can and I pour my grease to the can that is already half full with the other grease that has already solidified. I put the can back under the sink and voila! Problem solved! Case closed! I walk away, satisfied with a job well done!

Wait......what happens to the can of grease when it's full? I don't know. I've never known. And I may never know. My sisters and I discussed it. There is only one possible solution: The Grease Fairy. When the can is full, The Grease Fairy comes along and empties it for us. The Grease Fairy must be related to The Milk Fairy. Whenever we are low on milk...more gallons just pop up in our fridge, magically! Yes, they must be cousins. Not siblings, because one taketh and the other giveth. But, surely they are cousins.
Thank you Grease Fairy, thank you. Without her, we wouldn't know what to do with our grease. And we'd have a big ol' mess!

Someday when I have my own house and my own family, I'm going to have to ask my mom how to sign up for The Grease Fairy. I don't know if it's a subscription or if The Grease Fairy just magically knows when you need help. Or if you get a discount for using The Grease Fairy AND The Milk Fairy. Yes, when that someday comes, I'll just ask my mom. I'm sure she'll know.