Monday, April 13, 2009

This Just In: Alcoholics and Shopaholics

It's time for a news update! Today on 'This Just In' I bring you cautionary tales of drinking and spending to excess.

1. First up is a story about when friendly neighborhood feuds go wrong...

BITHLO, Fla. – Authorities said a man threw a vodka cocktail at his neighbor's trailer, but the wind shifted and set fire to two cars, a pickup and a travel trailer in the man's own yard. The Florida Highway Patrol reported that a 51-year-old man got into a fight with his neighbor on Tuesday night and threw the makeshift gasoline bomb.

Authorities believe alcohol was involved.

Really? What made them think alcohol was involved? Don't people in Florida normally throw gas bombs at their neighbors and end up blowing up their own car too? I don't know if I could've drawn that conclusion. I'm no detective, that's fo' shizzle!

2. I'm only posting a headline on this one... I don't need to read the article. This headline is definitely a Spoiler Alert!!!

'Woman explains how shopping addiction ruined her savings'

..... I'm stumped! How could the shopping addiction have ruined her savings? Unfortunately, I never clicked on the we'll never know.

3. Next is another story about the dangers of alcohol...

Police in a Detroit suburb say a teenager has been charged with lighting an unconscious man's pants on fire and causing a third-degree burn to the man's groin. Police in Ferndale, Mich., said 18-year-old Tyler Quick was arraigned Friday on a charge of assault.

Tyler Quick was attending a party at the home of a 51-year-old man when the host passed out.

Police say Quick placed a lit candle under the man's crotch, setting fire to his pants. The man awoke and extinguished the fire. A police lieutenant said Tyler Quick thought it would be funny to burn the victim.

I'll admit it. I laughed, I thought it was funny too. I'm with the teenager on this one! Honestly... a 51 year old man invited teens into his home, gave them alcohol and passed out. Teens + Inebriation + lighter + passed out host = Light 'em up! (....or I guess, technically it should read... 'Light up them nuts!')

I hope everyone has learned something here today!


Kirsten and Steve Bloomfield said...

You always find the hard hitting news. Why didn't you become a journalist?

Barbie Smith said...

again...write a book!

Second, I think my location on that live feed thing is Roy. What is that about? I don't live in Roy! That thing is total crap.

Third, you are a mini-celebrity. You are kind of famous. WOWZERS!!! Lots of people from all over read your thoughts.

Forth, I forgot that I am making bread and now it had risen to the size of a small refridgerator. I must go!


Rae said...

I really wish you had read the one about shopping, I still can't figure it out!?! Love your comentary!

Lonna said...

Any 51 year old man who invites teenagers over for a party ought to have his nuts smoked.