Monday, February 2, 2009

It's all you, Commenters. (Comments Tag)

One of my favorite parts about blogging are the comments! So, on this special day...a day we all know and love... Groundhog's Day, we take a look at random comments from random blog entries on my own blog! They are in no particular order and I've decided to leave out the identities of those who wrote them. Most of them are pretty obvious, but I didn't want to be blamed.

It's long, but there is a challenge at the end...



1.Thanks for believing in me.-Jack Bauer

2. Oooooh, I hate you so much!- Nina Myers

3. I shall miss you. Clearly the spiders are winning. Even as I write this, I know they're closing in. I'm certain I could fend them off if only I had a roll of toilet paper. But alas, I am without.

4. I'm still convinced that a gnat flew up my nose and is now taking over my brain. Stupid gnats!!!!

5. "Natural Lime Stone", a likely story! HA! Everyone knows that it's heated with magic troll farts.

6. As a cat-loving closet lesbian (coincidentally of French-Canadian origin), I must take offense at some of your unwarranted snarkiness, but I do agree that CĂ©line Dion is one big dreadfully annoying bizatch.

7. You will pay! We WILL find out where you live! You will give us all intel! We will succeed!

8. Deep Fryer! It just sits there waiting for you to fry anything. And I do mean anything. And don't worry about changing the grease. The more you fry the more flavor for next time. It's truly a modern day miracle! It also helps to eat healthy (I think). Have you ever had a deep fried celery stick? Mmm mmm good. It tastes just like the last thing you fried. For me that was corn dogs. Veggies never tasted so good!

9. Wow, I didn't know that Chester was already out of rehab. Next time you see him tell him I said hi. I'm glad you found your "special purpose". This is exciting. I know he is married and has a daughter nearly your age, but none of that should deter you. I mean you are who you are, right? i know your partial to Chester but if you need some extra help I have a great inspirational leader. His name is Phil Livestrong. His philosophy is "Live right, live free and Livestrong"

10. I've worked in a nursing home, I am familiar with old penises. No need to go to a museum filled with em'. Been there, done that, never again!

11. How dare you! Match.com has brought many successful couples together. Off the top of my head are Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley. Oh and don't forget John Mayer and all of his lovely ladies...


12. So you don't want people on food stamps to have pride in their stamps? Seems to me the government should give these out with food stamps just so people will take pride in their government!

13. My pillow is flesh colored so that I can sit on it naked and no one will notice.

14. The best way to get a job in arson is to show them how good you are. I recently applied for two different jobs. One is Hollywood, CA at a studio and the other at a Governor's mansion in Texas. Turns out that the Governor of Texas wasn't looking for an arsonist. Whoops! But the Hollywood Studios job is looking promising. I got a call today. They said not to leave the state and to stay here. They are sending people to me right now. No doubt they will be giving me an offer I can't refuse!

15. I applaud her effort to bring this injustice to the public. I have the right to try on thongs without worry of injury. Victoria secret should be ashamed! I also believe that these articles of clothing should have instructions and specifically state what gender they are designed for. I personally have suffered from this lack of thought. I wore a thong on a recent 3 day 40 mile hike in extreme heat and humidity. I bought the said thong thinking that less is better with all the heat and moisture. You know, chaffing. Well I wasn't aware of how these were supposed to be worn. Apparently I wore it backwards. After several high voiced arguments with the cashier she finally told me that they weren't made for men. Needless to say I was extremely embarrassed. I left the store so quick that I broke a heel on my high pumps.


16. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Ugh and Ewww.

17. My favorite spider story is when we found an enormous spider in the downstairs bathroom and then took a picture via camera phone and texted it to dad who was upstairs in bed. He completed his blue duties and came downstairs and killed it!! You really have a bad time with spider attack attempts. You've got some really bad spider karma.

18. Another thought: Perhaps flies are the ultimate practical jokers. Besides babies and mice of course. If the purpose of a practical joke is to make someone look foolish for everyone else's amusement, then I submit that flies, babies, and mice are the holy trinity of practical jokers and the rest of us can only look on in awe.

19. I recently ordered Naval History. Turns out it's just about the Navy....boring! I was really looking forward to learning more about the history of belly buttons.

20. I wish I could care but you didn't even call on my 8 month re birthday. As a matter of fact you didn't even come to the ceremony. It wasn't easy to reserve a room in the Maternity hospital and to reenact the birth. Not to mention the cost of my stay in the nursery. Come to find out those plastic carriers for the babies are not that strong. So again, why should I care about your 1/2 birthday. The least you could have done is send a "It's a Boy" bouquet to Mom.

21. Dearest Lisa,

If I'd known that you would be blogging I never would have even done The Matrix. Could I play you in the movie version of your blog?

All my love, lust, and sloppy nookie,
Keanu "Sex Kitten" Reeves


22. Drive up the window of any Fast Foot restaurant ( that has a guy at the window, go to another one if there is a women) wink once with your left eye, twice with your right eye, smile big, wrap your hair around your left index finger and pull your right ear with your right index finger and thumb. Now say "illwa ouya arryma ema?"

23. This just in from Lisa's own mouth......Clay Aiken is Barry Manilow's love child!

24. I found this post by googling warts. Thanks, I think you've cured my little problem "down there".

25. Jack is such a good actor, I don't know how he manages to play such a icky character all of the time. He was so deep into the "Keifer" role earlier this year that he got drunk and then drove his car and then got picked up for it and then went to jail all the while acting and he never broke character. Amazing!! And did he get the Oscar (Emmy? Grammy? Academy Award? VMA? I never remember what award is for what)nominee? Nope. He got robbed!!

26. Thanks for saving me from years of health and happiness. Now I'll forever be alone, sick, and miserable like all the cool people.

27. They were walking together when she noticed that her shoelace was untied. She bends over to tie it, and then he lets one rip. She says to him, "Bob, You ass! You knew I was bending over to tie my shoe. You did that on purpose. And my mouth was open!"
"What? I didn't do it!"
"Yes you did! You always do that! Did I mention My MOUTH WAS OPEN! I got a mouth full of fart pie!"
"I told you, I DIDN'T DO IT!!!"
"You're an old fart, Bob; you probably forgot by now!"
"FINE". . .


28. Having thoroughly examined your spider bite via the magic of the interweb, we at the National Center for Spider Bite Identification, Treatment, and Occasional Pronouncement of Fatalities are convinced that you won't survive.- Warmest regards,
Reinhold Snotweiler

29. RUBEN IS FAT???? (passes out)

30. You know, if the Electric Blanket's of the world didn't discriminate against bedwetters, I'd totally use one.

31. I'd vote for Barack Hussein Osama bin Biden before John Mussolini Dahmer Hitler McInane.

32. This just in...this post rocks.

33. Oh the horror! I have had food thrown at me while driving. It is a terrifying event. I mean what do you do? Hold on to the wheel or protect your face? You can't imagine the pain of a french fry in your hair or a pickle on your cheek.

34. That's where I left my heart! I've been looking for it all over!

35. I had a friend who drank way too much in high school. He would say,"I've had like fifteen or three beers tonite!" His name was Tarterg. Yeah, he's my hero.

36. I have one confession, it involves mirrors. I can't walk past a mirror without staring into it. No its not what you think. Although tempted, I'm not looking at my butt. And yes, it is getting bigger. as a child I took the Bloody Mary dare. I said her name three times in the dark, turned on the lights, and...she didn't appear. To this day I look for her in every mirror. She has not showed up yet. Maybe she's on Mormon time.

37. Suck Up!!!!!!

38. This isn't very nice, but I'll say it anyway; that kid won't be able to get through life on his looks and with such an awful name.....I'm not sure there is much hope at all.

39. I had a pet spider once. I named him Klmn. Pronounced Kay-le-my-n. Anyway, one of our favorite activities together was tickle fights. Right when I get out of the shower and I'm still not dressed, I would let Klmn walk all over me. His furry little legs would cause me to burst into laughter! He would tickle me so much. It was great! Well one day he figured out that I'm most ticklish on my back. I was laughing so hard I was going to pee on myself. I couldn't control it. Next thing I know I'm rolling around on the floor hysterical with laughter. In my utter amusement I flicked Klmn off of me and onto the floor. He fell right onto my sandal that was laying upside down on the floor. At the height and force that he fell Klmn had no chance. I pray that he felt no pain.

So there I am kneeling on the floor, naked, with Klmn little body on my sandal. Just as I pick up my sandal to take Klmn to a proper burial place, he always wanted his ashes spread over an exterminator as a show of strength, I turn around and see 412 of his siblings staring at me. "It's not what it looks like" I screamed. But the damage was done.

Now I spend my days trying to prove that Klmn's death was an accident. Of course, Spider world doesn't understand. There is a spider bounty on my head for 35 flies. Which is equivalent to about 1 million dollars here. 201 of his sibling have taken a vow of death to bring me to justice. I spend my days looking for proof that it was just an accident. I also do quite a bit of spider volunteer work. All in a futile effort to show the spiders that I mean no harm to them. It's very difficult to fight off bounty hunter spiders with out hurting them. But this is the burden I carry all in the name of friendship.


40. You had me at "nom, nom, nom"




I hope you enjoyed the comments as much as I did! The challenge is to pick at least ten random comments from your own blogs! Have fun reminiscing!

6 comments:

Lonna said...

Holy cow, I loved it! I am somewhat saddened over the fact that I never say anything worth quoting. Of course, my articulation is somewhat scattered and well...non-exciting. So I can see why I wasn't chosen. It reminds me of the 4th grade when I was a pudgy little girl with greasy hair and no one wanted to pick me for anything. I couldn't even win the handwriting award. Shoot, I didn't get picked for 'most likely to parrish off the face of the earth unnoticed'.

Princess Lisa said...

Uh, hey lady...you had THREE quotes in there! 13, 23 and 33!!!

Picked on, my arse!

Lonna said...

oh....I feel somewhat stupid, but I do have a memory issue that we are all aware of. But my goodness I'm funny.

Bryan said...

Lisa, I enjoyed reading these comments. However, your tag is just too labor intensive. Therefore I will not be able to participate. Thanks though.

Abby Gail said...

I shall try my best Lisa. Seeing as how my blog is fairly new and mostly related to a child I don't know that my list will be anywhere close to being as interesting as yours was! I might say even as disturbing as yours was.
Isn't it funny how things are just so shocking when taken out of their original context. No wonder this is what the media does on a regular basis! I love it! :)

Monkey Toe Momma said...

Hey! I see me! You love me, you really love me!:)