As mentioned in the 'Bat' blog entry, here is the spider story from work...
There are key players in this blog entry and they are as follows:
Amber- Laughing bystander
Ali- Evil Spider Lady
Bruce- Villain masquerading as a hero
So the story begins...
It was just another day in paradise at the local embroidery company, everyone working diligently, and business humming along. Lisa was sitting at her desk when suddenly Ali came up behind her and placed an empty box on Lisa's head. Silly little prank...harmless, so she thought...until Lisa noticed that there was a SPIDER in the "empty" box! Lisa immediately grabbed the box off of her head and threw it against the wall....and ran across the hall to Bruce/Amber's office...
Lisa pulled herself together and told Bruce in a calm, rational, grown-up manner that there was a spider in her office and would he please have a look when he got a moment? Thanks so much................
Okay, who am I kidding??? We all know I ran across the hall in a panic. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, all I could really get out was... "spider...in....my....office...spider...it's going to kill me...please...." Then I passed out and had to be revived with smelling salts. What did Amber do? Laugh at me the whole time.
Bruce, being the "hero" at this moment in time, went across the hall and appeared to diligently search for the spider. He was being my hero! My rescuer! He fulfilled his blue* duties very well.
Looking back on it...after his later behavior, I think he just went into my office and sat there for a while. I doubt he actually looked for the spider at all!
But, at the time, I had no way of knowing of the evil lurking inside him. I thought was just being an amazingly helpful man and that he was trying to solve my problem. Not true. But I didn't know any better.
Bruce came back across the hall and told me he had looked, but to no avail. The spider had disappeared.**
I spend the next 20 minutes in the other office trying to make myself believe that the spider wasn't just laying in wait in my office...waiting to kill me. I convinced myself I was just being silly and that I should go right back to my office and act like a grown up!!! So, I hesitantly and timidly walked back to my office...on the look out the whole time...I looked on my chair, my desk, the walls, the floor...no spider...Bruce is right...it's gone...I need to just calm down.
And then all of my fears were confirmed. I was right all along. It was just waiting to destroy me!!! It was waiting UNDER MY IPOD!!!!!!!!!! How dare it?!
Here is a victory for me: I smashed the little beastard! I killed it! I felt good about what I had done and wanted to share my victory with someone that I thought was a helpful hero... but, no, he isn't. I went and told Bruce and he reminded me that there were more spiders where that one came from. Also, he felt the need to torment me the rest of the day by telling me how spiders will drop from the air vents and ceilings to attack me, so I wouldn't be safe anywhere.
What a gem, eh? He's from the devil, obviously.
For now, I survived another spider assassination attempt. I should be on that TLC tv show called, "I shouldn't be alive!" And I can tell my harrowing tales of my near death experiences with these spiders. I truly am a miracle. I'll be signing autographs later.***
* Blue refers to the duties I believe men should do. Locate and kill all insects and rodents. Diagnose my car troubles based on the noises I recreate for you, even via the phone. Know the answer to any question, on any subject.
**For future reference: if you can not locate the errant insect/rodent, you must do your best to make me believe you found it, killed it and have warned away any of it's friends. Under no circumstances should you come back without having eradicated the before mentioned rodent/insect.
*** For a nominal fee. (and by "nominal fee" I really mean "for a great, big, fat fee.")