Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Chop Chop

One day at a restaurant with my bff we grabbed our utensils while we waited for our food to arrive. Being as helpful as he is (and wanting to make me look like a fool) my bff grabbed some chopsticks for us since they were located right next to the forks.
We couldn't help but laugh at the Chopsticks wrapper. The following is written EXACTLY as it was on the chopsticks wrapper, capitalization and punctuation and all...

"Welcome to Chinese Restaurant.
Please try your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks.
the traditional and typical of Chinese glonous history.
and cultural."

I especially enjoyed that they assumed my Chinese food was "nice" and that the Chinese are 'glonous' and 'cultural.' I enjoyed what they chose to capitalize and what they didn't... also... we weren't at a Chinese Restaurant... but they did welcome me to one. That was kind of them.

On the back they offered helpful suggestions for how to use them! Thank you, because the only thing I know how to do with them is use them to hold my hair up like Mulan did.

Step#1 Tuek under thumb

This is where things get dicey. I don't know what a 'tuek' is.

Step#2 Add second chopstick hold as you hold pencil

Hmmm...I tried repeatedly to use the second chopstick as a pencil, but I never managed to get it to write anything.

Step#3 Hold first chopstick in original position move second one up and down. Now you can pick up anything

This was not easy to do as they said to hold the first chopstick in the original position, which was "tuek." Also, I found this to be false advertising. Not only could I not pick up my food with these directions...I couldn't pick up "anything" as they suggested I would be able to. I really committed to this experiment. I used the chopsticks to hold the steering wheel, which resulted in a ticket. I used the chopsticks to flip off the cop who gave me the ticket...and they actually worked really well for that. Later I tried to use them in the bathroom to pick up the toilet paper... I'm ending that story there.

On the wrapper they have several Chinese characters, which I can only assume that, loosely translated, mean "Congratulations, American! You dropped rice on your shirt! Use a fork, dumbass!"

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