Sunday, May 11, 2008

Is it me?

So, the other day I am at the DMV re-registering my car. Yes, it was the last day of the month. Don't judge me! I'm busy.
First, can I just say that re-registering your vehicle is the biggest rip off? I already registered it once. Nothing has changed. The make and model are still the same. And, yes, it's still the same year. It hasn't managed to morph into some other kind of car. Until they make a hybrid morphing vehicle...I'm going to remain pissy about paying to register my car...again.
Side note- I would be VERY interested in a morphing vehicle. Just an FYI to the car makers out there, since I know they read my blog frequently.

So, I'm in line at the DMV, wondering where that horrible stench is coming from. It smells like a homeless person. Not to stereotype homeless people, as I'm sure some of them smell delightful, but as a general rule, homeless people don't have homes...which means they don't have showers...which means they stink. So, typically, homeless people have an obscene odor. Unless they invested their panhandling funds into a portable shower. Not the best way to use your minimal funds, but who am I to judge? So, I'm sorry if I offended one of the portable shower homeless people...I wasn't talking about you.

But, I digress. I'm standing in line, smelling a stink of a non-portable-showering-homeless-person and trying to identify it when I turn around and immediately find the source. It's a lady and her dog. I don't want to offend the dog, it could have been the lady who stunk so badly and not the dog. I don't think I'll ever know if it was the lady or the dog who stunk more. My bet is on the lady. I'm thinking that if your judgement is off enough for you to think it's appropriate to carry your dog into the DMV then your judgement is probably off enough to think it's appropriate to not shower for a month.

So, I find the stinky source and I'm looking around, befuddled. Did I miss the memo that said it was appropriate to bring animals into places of business? Last I heard...businesses were for PEOPLE. Unless, of course, it's PetsMart. In which case you can bring your kids and your animals in and if any of them poop on the floor, they provide you with wipies to clean it up, judgement free.
If it's truly okay to bring your pets into places of business, I'm wondering why I left my dolphin, Ralph at home. I should've brought him along! He loves a good outing.

So, I turn to the stinky lady holding her stinky dog and I say, "Excuse me, mam, do you realize that the dog you're holding is not actually a person and is therefore not allowed to come into a place of business?"
And the lady, (we'll call her Mona for the sake of continuity. She looked like a Mona, but I don't know what her real name is. She had on a fur coat, gold jewelry and huge eyeglasses), Mona, said, " Well, missy, I did know that. But, Fifi (that was the dog's name) is my seeing eye dog. I am blind and she helps me get around."
To which I responded, "Oh, pardon me Mona, that was so rude and thoughtless of me. I apologize. If Fifi is your seeing eye dog then I most certainly understand. But might I suggest that you get a smelling nose dog as well? Maybe that dog could tell you and Fifi when to shower so the rest of us don't have to smell you?"

I thought I was being helpful. Mona didn't think so. She kicked me in the shin and huffed off. Come to think of it, if she needs a seeing eye dog, how did she know where to kick me? And if Fifi is her seeing eye dog, why was Mona holding her? This story isn't adding up. Something is starting to smell a little fishy...and this time it ain't Mona.


Bryan said...

You could be so rich if you wrote a book!

Corinne said...

LOL - That's so funny! I had the misfortune of that happening to me also. Although, my guy didn't have a dog - it was just him that was stinky. And he kept leaning in to talk to me. You know, it could have been her fur coat that was stinky. Just saying. And, BTW, I would totally buy your book. So get to writing. Seriously, Lisa. {{{Hugs}}}