Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Dating 104

In this day and age, it’s rare to meet in a traditional sense. Girls used to meet the boy next door…these days we wave politely at the boy next door and then complain about his stereo being too loud. What used to be a cute guy winking at you over the tomatoes? Now I wonder if he’s going to follow me to the parking lot and become a stalker. Besides, I’m too busy Facebooking and Twittering to meet people organically these days. I don’t have that kind of time. So how do we meet out potential dates? Online.
This can be both a great thing and a scary thing. Both a productive thing and a horrific waste of time. That’s the beauty of the Interweb.

You certainly get a broader range of people than you normally would in your day to day life. And it’s more efficient, definitely. In real life, guys don’t come with a sandwich board over their body that details their likes and dislikes, their preferences, etc. I find this very helpful.
But what I find most helpful? What they put in the “Looking for” category. When asked to describe what they’re looking for...most of these men will quickly tell you about every failed relationship they’ve had, without even having to say it.
Here are some real life examples that I’ve come across:

“I want a girl who’s relaxed about life. If you don’t like that I drink every day, stop reading now.” –Clearly a touchy subject. He’s obviously had some really uptight girlfriends who didn’t like that he’s an alcoholic.

“Looking for a woman who understands that I’m busy. With work, family and friends, I don’t have a lot of extra time.”
–Translation: Are you okay if I never call you when I say I will?

“Looking for a non-cheater!” –I’d assume this is pretty standard, but I appreciate the clarification.

“Sensitive boob seeks sensitive breast.” –You like boobs, we get it.

“Looking for a sexy woman with blue eyes.” –We’ve all got our priorities. I can’t fault him for that.

“Looking for an upbeat girl. I don’t want to constantly hear about your bad day at work or problems with your mom.” –Most guys will feign interest till they get you in bed. But not this guy…he’s letting you know upfront, he’s not here to listen.

“I want a woman who understands intelligent humor and sarcasm. If you’re easily offended, move on.” –Translation: I’m a jackass, but I wear pompous glasses…so it’s all good.

“Looking for a girl who appreciates music and art as much as I do.”
–Translation: I’m a struggling musician, will you pay for dinner?

“I would like to find a woman who wears khaki because I think that's so attracting.” -Now, right off you know that he might pay attention to your wardrobe, but English isn’t a priority with him. Also, the days of having to choose an outfit? Long gone! With this guy, you wear your khakis and you’re all set!

“No meth addicts, recovering or otherwise.” –Good, he has boundaries. Now, while I know that while meth may not be his cup of tea, perhaps he’s heroin friendly?

“Must be okay with iguanas, gerbils and hamsters because I have several.” –Okay, Dr. Doolittle. Die alone, party of one?

Online dating isn’t an easy world. But it makes for some eventful stories. I think it must have been much, much tougher to be so creepy before the internet. Here’s my profile: “Seeking a man… preferably one who doesn’t own any gerbils or iguanas, doesn’t mind that my eyes are green, is okay with me wearing jeans and not khakis, doesn’t mind that I take prescription drugs, calls relatively close to when he says he will, doesn’t have trust issues and...likes boobs.”

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