Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Lisa, the grouch.

I’m kind of in a bad mood these days. I know that might shock everyone reading this because I have been sooooo sunny and chipper. But it’s true. Sorry to burst your bubble, folks.
Sure, we could say that I may need to start looking at the brighter side of things... the silver lining in every cloud... look at the glass half full... OR, we can find someone else to blame my pissy disposition on.
Without looking very far, I found the reason I’m less than thrilled with life. Actually, I found a lot of reasons. I’ll highlight a few here....

1. School zones and crosswalks.
Yes, you heard me. School zones. Crosswalks. Sure, I think kids need to learn. And a school seems like a good place to do that. But does this mean that there should be nine school zones on my way to work? No. Does this mean that no matter what route I take to work that I should have to drive behind 3 buses that make a stop every 12 feet? No. I think that the schools should be outside of the town where I’m not driving. That will eliminate the school zones. As for the frequent bus stops? Short of banning children from living in the areas around me and where I may or may not drive… the obvious solution is to let them fend for themselves. Not to be cruel, of course. But to help them. Really. I think it would build character for them to see the bus coming and then get a running start and toss their bag into the bus and then run a bit faster and jump in the bus! Can you imagine the adrenaline rush they’ll feel? The sense of accomplishment? What a way to start out their day! Plus, if they want to be a train hobo when they’re grown up, they already have some experience. As for the children who don’t make it into the bus? Well…consider it thinning the herd.

2. Walk for the Cure, i.e. Fundraising walks.
“They” are constantly telling me to participate in a walk to stomp out... insert any disease here. Now, while I can get behind this helping to raise awareness and money for research to find a cure... sometimes I think we’re stretching it a bit. Diabetes? Breast Cancer? AIDS? All of these, worthwhile endeavors. I wouldn’t personally participate, even though I find these to be worthy causes, because it violates the lazy code of ethics… but still, they are worthwhile. Some diseases that I don’t really think deserve a ‘Walk for the Cure’??? .....

Basophobia- the extreme fear of falling down. So debilitating that the sufferer may never get up. And if they don’t have to, why would I get up and walk for their cure?
Maple Syrup Urine Disease- among other symptoms, a burnt sugar smell to your urine. But as funny as that sounds, I do not recommend urinating on your pancakes and then consuming them.
Seasonal Affective Disorder- It’s winter... awww, boo. :(
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- It’s not fun to say...mostly because I can’t... but, ironically, this is the medical term for the fear of long words. Cruel, much?
Proctalgia Fugax- which is a fleeting pain in the rectum. Yes, quite literally, a pain in the ass.

Again, I’ll happily support (cheer apathetically) a worthwhile walk for the cure fundraiser. But some of those diseases are reeeeeeally stretching it!


3. Daylight Savings time
For those of you who didn’t grow up in a state smart enough to opt out of Daylight Savings Time, guess what? It sucks. I know that you’ve always done it and you don’t know any better. But, it’s ridiculous. I don’t complain about it much in the Fall because, doi... we’re gaining an hour. An extra hour to sleep? I’m in!!! But then Spring rolls around and they want me to spring forward an hour? Lose an hour of sleep? Are you kidding me with this one, people? This year I am saying NO MORE. I’ll gladly fall back another hour if they’d like me to. But on Sunday, I will not be springing forward an hour. It’s time to take a stand. Who’s with me?!?!?!
Daylight Savings Time = Proctalgia Fugax.

Well, Readers...as you can see, with the world out to get me, it's pretty tough to keep a cheerful outlook on life. After reading some of the problems plaguing me, I'm sure you're wondering how I get out of bed in the morning. It's not easy, I'll be honest. It's actually quite a proctalgia fugax. But, I persevere. I hope I can be an inspiration to all of you! If I can keep trying, so can you!

2 comments:

Brandon said...

Mmmmm...peecakes.

Lonna said...

You are a trooper!