Thursday, March 18, 2010

Besticles

My bff Brandon and I frequently have email chats that I think others should be a part of. I've previously featured one on my blog last October, about the weather...or wezzer.

Today, I have to say...if you don't laugh at this...well then, there is no hope for you. The following is our conversation via email.

Lisa: Have you finished working on the time machine?

Brandon: I have. Only when I finished I realized I'd accidentally switched the instructions and baked a cake.

Lisa: And knowing how much I wanted a cake the other day, you still didn't bake me one????????

Brandon: Not to worry, it's Grandma's cake recipe. Next time she goes to make dessert, I'll send 3 Days Ago Lisa a piece.

Lisa: Past Lisa will be so grateful.


Brandon
: Yay! Well Future Brandon says You're Welcome.

Lisa: That's really big of Future Brandon, considering Present Lisa castrates Present Brandon for not having the time machine finished.

Brandon: I'll have Grandma warn Past Brandon to hide.

Lisa: I think we should make a book of all of our conversations back and forth. Obviously no plot, probably will never make sense...but it would be entertaining.
This chapter would be called "Cake Off" and the title of the book would be "Besticles."

Brandon: I think you're onto something. We'll be RICH! Rich, I tell you!

Lisa: We'll be fabulously wealthy and laugh at all the little people. And by little people, I mean midgets.

Brandon: ***A NOTE FOR ANYONE READING THIS WHEN IT HAS BEEN MADE INTO A BOOK***
We acknowledge the important place* in our society occupied by persons of small stature. We celebrate your uniqueness and defend your right to your dignity**. Nothing in this email should be taken as denigration of the vertically challenged***.


*and that place is between 0 and 3 1/2 feet from the ground. Bwahahaha!
**just like we hope you will defend our right to laugh, shorty
***unless you take "vertically challenged" to mean those poor suckers who can't get it up. THOSE people are FUNNY. Take that, limpy! And yes, that includes you, vertically challenged midgets. As people who don't discriminate against shorties, we strive to mock short limpies as ruthlessly as average and tall limpies.

7 comments:

Brandon said...

We're hilarious! And in case anyone was wondering, here are the next two exchanges in the e-mail conversation:

LISA: I am SO blogging that. I just peed my pants.

BRANDON: I am SO posting on your blog that you just peed your pants.

Tami said...

I think you two have too much time on your hands. Thanks for the giggle.

Abby Gail said...

I'll buy the book. When is it hitting the stands?

Brandon said...

(Pssssst! Hey Lisa! I think we have an investor.)

Abby, the book will be on the stands on the 14th of Neverbember. For only 2.4 million dollars, we'll happily pre-order a copy for you. You're welcome.

Princess Lisa said...

Brandon, I don't think it was a surprise to anyone that I pee my pants. (and we so totally have an investor. I know it. )

Tami- we actually don't have too much time on our hands...we just prioritize doing nothing over doing something.

Amy- as Brandon said... it hits stands soon, sooo soon. We just need a down payment, of course.

Brooke Jackson said...

You will NEVER know how much I love to ready any thing you write...ANYTHING!!! I am at work and your posts are seriously heaven sent!

amy b. said...

You 2 should totally start a comedy duo. Like Frangela!