Monday, July 14, 2008
1. I started a new job. And there is so much to tell you, but most of it will bore you. Plus, I don't have the time. Or the finger strength. I was recently attacked by a finger eating pygmy...that is a whole other story. Anyway, the most important thing you need to know about my job is that I've found a way to relax when I get stressed. It's in the bathroom. Yup, it's my sanctuary. My first day I was harried and running behind and trying to learn new things and I rushed into the bathroom and on the back of the toilet were the potty protectors...and the company who makes them? "Rest Assured..." Ahhhhh, thank you. I instantly felt calmer sitting on the commode. The stress of the day fell away and suddenly, my mind and my bladder were refreshed. Ahhhhh, thank you Rest Assured, thank you.
2. It's summer...it's fly season. I haven't missed these nasty little creatures even one bit. I don't understand why they are around. They are horrible. They just buzz around looking to cause trouble. I don't believe for even one second that they are innocent. Have you ever noticed that if you swat them away with your hand...they fly back within a second and keep doing it until you are stomping around and waving your hands around (like you just don't care!) and you look insane? Only then, with their mission accomplished, do they fly off to bug someone else. You know what I find interesting? The saying, "She/He wouldn't hurt a fly!" (The she/he isn't a transvestite, at least as far as I know, I meant that those pronouns were interchangeable.) I find it interesting that we say that someone wouldn't hurt a fly in order to show how gentle they are. That saying is, for the most part, a complete lie. We all talk about not hurting animals or anything along those lines...but we will still kill flies. And be proud of it. We made a fly "swatter" and we all use them. And we don't just playfully swat those flies...we kill 'em. I can only hope that one day the aliens don't make a "human swatter." Because you and I both know...they aren't looking to playfully swat us. Our time is up!
3. I realize that I have an aversion to commitment. I don't like to really commit to anything. An emotion, a product, a person, I no likie. When I order a smoothie at Jamba Juice I frequently doubt my decision and choice by the time they end up mixing my smoothie. I think that's a fairly normal attitude. One out of one persons polled have a problem with commitment. (That's 100% for those of you not keeping count.) I realized the magnitude of my commitment phobia when I had a gut reaction to the news that they were now offering plots/dual headstones in our new graveyard. And my first thought... "a dual plot and headstone? Oh, I don't know...what if it doesn't work out? Then you're stuck on the same headstone till the earth is burned up in the last days. And you're dead, so it's not like you can go make any changes, or have his body exhumed and moved to the other corner of the graveyard. Yeah...all in all...I think it's best to just have an individual plot and headstone."