So, this morning I woke up and got in the shower. (yes, it was at ten in the morning...don't judge me!)
I'm washing my hair and suddenly I notice a disfiguring red mark on my arm!!! It's a spider bite! It must be! There are no other possible explanations. (yes, I'm aware that I frequently break out in mysterious bumps and/or hives, but I'm sure this one is a spider bite.)
You can see for yourself. It's hideous and disfiguring. And it's totally going to destroy my bracelet modeling career. Great! What's next? How much more can I take? These bitches are good. They are wearing down my mental and emotional health. (let's face it, it wasn't a hard task.) I don't think this is a deadly spider wound, although I am not a doctor, so I can't say for sure. I think they sent a benign spider to see if it could even be successful in getting through my defenses. Well, it was successful. And I know what's coming next! The head honcho is going to come finish me off!!! I've loved you all and will miss you.
4 comments:
Well, it was nice knowing you. Can I have your tivo??
No you can't have my TiVoli, biotch!
Having thoroughly examined your spider bite via the magic of the interweb, we at the National Center for Spider Bite Identification, Treatment, and Occasional Pronouncement of Fatalities are convinced that you won't survive.
Warmest regards,
Reinhold Snotweiler
After having shreiked (yes shreiked) through the house because a spider was in your room I believe you did get a spider bite...you may have deserved it for being such a wussy. I do not think though that you will die for God loves ME way too much to take you away via a spider bite. I would die without you .
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