During my recent round of crazy illness, my doctor decided that I have sleep apnea...so let's test for it. If you've never had to do a sleep "study", let me give you the lowdown....
It sucks. Just say no.
We all know that sleeping in a hospital is fun. Typically it's the most fun you'll have in your life. Take the delicious aroma of a hospital...the soft and supple beds...the intimate lighting... and add wires all over your body while you "sleep" and voila! You've got the best dang night of your life.
The upside to this experience is that I met two awesome gals. Mrooke* and Bichelle*. I assume that they work for the sleep lab at the hospital. But I can't be sure
They ordered me to strip and then they put a million hookie uppie thingies on my body.
Let me tell you about the hookie uppie thingies. (and, yes, I believe that's the medical term for them.) They are sticky, sticky, sticky. After they put them on me, my skin decided to have them over for a BBQ. Invited them in and everything. Ended up marrying them. So the next morning when I had to take them off...my skin protested, to say the least. In the end, some of my skin decided to maintain their relationship with the hookie uppie thingies and promptly left with them. I will forever miss that skin.
I think my favorite part of the sticky hookie uppie thingies are the ones that go on your scalp. Yes, your scalp. They use this highly sticky substance that I believe may be used for torture efforts in the war. They put a glob on your head and then a hookie uppie thingie to the glob. There is no way to get this CIA made gluey stuff out of your hair. Ever. I am left with no choice but to pull a Britney and shave my head. I always thought she was crazy, but no. Somebody just got to her with the CIA sticky glue. The glue is amazing. I think MacGuyver would have been on the air for at least 10 more years if he had had access to this gluey stuff. He could have invented so many things to get him out of a bind.
I typically pay someone to come in at night and watch my sleep, listen to me snore, laugh when I sleep fart... but this time? My insurance will pay for it.
*Names have been changed to protect the "innocent."
6 comments:
Lisa, I'm not sure your hair has ever looked better! It holds it's shape in ways I didn't know it could. I think they should market it as a stay put hair gel.
What a miserable experience. But still, gave me a chuckle. Hope you never have to do that again.
I don't know what you're problem is. I sleep at the hospital all the time....oh wait, don't tell anybody, I'm supposed to be 'working'. My boss tends to get irritated when I fall asleep, but my patients don't seem to mind at all when I take a little snooze on their couch. BFD.
I know it Mom! I wish you had gotten this stuff when I was little. We could have kept my "bed-head" look going forever!
Tami- it wasn't as bad as I thought. And the ladies doing the testing were so great. They made it much easier.... but I don't want to repeat it.
Shawna- too late. I'm sending this in immediately. I have to do what I have to do! WTF? Why the face?
Do you know what I call you? 'Funny Lisa.' In fact, that is what the link to your blog from my blog says. My sister, the one I told you about, is very threatened by you. I told her how funny you are and she now maintains that I wish you were my sister. Also, I told her that I saw you at Hobby Lobby and now she is really convinced that I am trying to replace her with you (my sister does not craft...I love to do crafty stuff). Anywho. So, you are in a war with a person you don't even know!!! She is contemplating following your tweets so she can plot to your demise ;) Thanks for writing about your experience...P.S. We are highly trained professionals and you should have put a disclaimer on your blog so people don't try putting glue in their hair at home!
I love MacGuyver. I hate sticky gluey stuff. I wonder if we could use the stickey gluey stuff to take pieces of skin and hair from people and make a MacGuyver?
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