Saturday, June 7, 2008

Professional Arson, at your service.

One of my favorite things to do, (when I am already in the car driving from point A to point B, have nothing else to do because my cell phone is dead, I've already rocked out to all of my music via car dancing, and have already judged everyone in the cars around me...), is to appreciate a little of the local flavor via Business signs. The signs that advertise a business and maybe even a special they're having that week. Some businesses even use them to recruit new employees with 'Now Hiring' signs. Sometimes I feel it's my civic duty to call the business and let them know they've misspelled an important word on their sign. Hireing (drop the E people!) is a commonly misspelled word. Then there are the movie theaters who use those signs and butcher words so badly that I can't even guess at what the movie title might possibly be. Or maybe they ran out of the letter Z so they just used a sideways N instead. You've gotta do what you've gotta do, I guess.
The other day I saw a car dealership using their sign to advertise that they need help, and after reading the rest of the sign, I agree. They do need help. Professional help.
The sign read:

Help Wanted: Sales Arson, inquire within

I took it at face value and applied for the position. Under 'special skills' I wrote about my love for matches. I also told about how I could sell flammable products to a fireman! I'm that good at selling arson. Under 'related experience' I spoke of the two house fires my own family has had. Those kinds of things don't happen on their own, you know. Not everyone is in the market for arson. You have to make them believe that they need arson and are willing to pay for it.

The interview went well on my end, but the hiring manager looked perplexed the entire time. I haven't gotten a call back, but cross your fingers because I think this career may be right up my alley! When I do get the job, don't forget to come to me for all of your arson needs.

8 comments:

Elise said...

My cell phone is always dead. But I can't say I would dare judge the people around me in their cars now that I am back in the barrio.

Kimber said...

Lisa, you are just too funny!

Lonna said...

I always thought those fires happened by accident! Wow do I feel duped! Or is it dumped?

Bryan said...

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. Your so naive. The best way to get a job in arson is to show them how good you are. I recently applied for two different jobs. One is Hollywood, CA at a studio and the other at a Governor's mansion in Texas. Turns out that the Governor of Texas wasn't looking for an arsonist. Whoops! But the Hollywood Studios job is looking promising. I got a call today. They said not to leave the state and to stay here. They are sending people to me right now. No doubt they will be giving me an offer I can't refuse!

PrincessLisa said...

Elise- you have to be careful. I wouldn't look directly at anyone. Keep your chin down and your eyes on the ground!

Kim- I am aim to please!

Mama- I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. But I wanted you to have deniability when you spoke to the fire chief and insurance agent.

Bryan- I have so much to learn from you. There is a reason you were born first, I needed an example to follow. I think I've been focusing too much on my explosives and my sniper skills. It's time to be more well-rounded and explore the arsonist in me.
Also, congrats on landing such a huge gig with Hollywood Studios! That is so awesome! Usually they contact your agent first, but in this case they were so excited they contacted you directly. I think this is your big break that we've been praying for!

the Cheerful Optimist said...

Lisa, you are very witty, I enjoy your writings and perspective and your humor. It is amazing how many people misspell words in their advertising. I went into a butcher shop one day in NY to order a boneless ham. The butcher was telling me about his new sign on the wall that he had done professionally. It was describing the various weights of meat and their respective cost. I look up and saw the work 'wieght' in big bold letters. I felt bad for him and politely told him there was a problem with the spelling of one of the words. He look at it and said which word, I don't see any wrong! After explaining what was wrong he said OH! but never changed the sign. I don't think he believe me.

the Cheerful Optimist said...

'work' should have been 'word' ....I did not want to misspell a word instead I typed a different word. Go figure...

Brandon said...

I'm officially "Flame Retarded" after reading this post.